Earlier this week I had up a facebook post about how thankful I am for Dani-Fit and everything that surrounds it. Its been a weird emotional roller coaster the past week. My little girl is going to kindergarten and its hitting this momma hard. I have given the reigns to my Monday night class over to LeeAnn (who kicks butt) so I can spend more time with Gianna when she’s not in school…
I created Dani-Fit 4 years ago all because of those big beautiful brown eyes. Gianna was watching. I was able to create a life that supported us financially, allowed me to be home with her and be her “mom”. It’s allowed me to be a stable example of strength, perseverance and it’s extremely rewarding. Now that she’s going into kindergarten (and I’ll pretend not to be sad about it) schedules change and again I am able to make it work and be there. So many use the studio as a “start” for their health journey, I am fortunate to say it’s been my “start” for life. I am so appreciative and thankful for the support I have in my life. From my family, to instructors, and clients.
— feeling blessed.”
I read a post from another mom this morning who seemed to be feeling the same way about her first child going into school. I created an email account for Gianna when she was a baby so loved ones could write to her, share stories, pictures, movies, etc and I plan on not telling her about it until she is 18.
After bawling my eyes out, I crafted my own letter to my inspiration. I was hesitant on sharing but I know there are so many moms out there that feel the same way. It was heart warming and comforting to read that. God help me when college comes!
Next week starts your first day of kindergarten. I don’t plan to sleep much this week. Don’t be surprised if you wake up with me sitting at your bed with tears in my eyes. They are the best kind of tears, happy tears. My head and heart are so full of dreams and wishes for you. The past 5 years flew by so fast, and I enjoyed every second of them.
As we get into a bedtime routine, I test the waters with what you remember from our old ( yet still going routine). You always let me carry all 45 pounds of you & Clifford up to bed (and you pretend like your asleep… you look like an angel.) I have pretended to forget, and headed up the stairs. I figure that your too old for that, especially on the days that I am a “mean” mom and your mad at me because I made you turn off the TV. You always remember, and scream “mom you have to carry me!”.
I remember too, and I savor all 14 steps with you in my arms. There are nights you stay at Daddy’s house too, but he doesn’t have any stairs. I hope he has the same experience in some way, because it has become my favorite and most memorable one as your mom.
You crawled in to bed with me last night for the first time in a long time. You had a bad dream and “just wanted your mommy”. I felt such guilt-ridden joy to know that even now, you still need me. With how independent and strong you are, you still need me. I promised you that I will always make you feel safe after a bad dream and I will always be here for you.
I’ve spent the last five years protecting you, keeping you in this little safe bubble where I’m sure that no one can hurt your feelings or break your heart. You are so excited about this new adventure, so unafraid. But your Mommy is terrified. Not so much terrified for you, but for myself as a mom. Terrified of missing you, and terrified becoming “un-cool”.
At the same time I am so incredibly excited to watch you come home every day with that joy in your eyes that always appears when you learn something new or meet new friends. You’re so eager to learn, and so curious about everything and can’t wait to tell me about it. I cannot wait to hear about it. You are going to SHINE in kindergarten!
I am so proud of the sweet little girl you have become. You are friendly and thoughtful to every person you meet. You stand up to kids who aren’t nice, and make sure to include those who are left out. An independent, curious, kindhearted, happy, energetic, confident, and honest little woman. I am so lucky that God chose me to be your mom.
Next week I will be doing nothing but wondering how you are doing. Do not be surprised if you see me peaking in the windows. (just kidding…. well, maybe.) I know after all the excitement, you will remember all of the manners we’ve practiced and will have made friends with everyone in your class, because that’s how you are. If people know you, they love you and if they don’t know you, they want to know you because you are so easy to love. You have the warmest brown eyes and most welcoming smile I have ever seen.
Everything that I do in my entire life is for you and your happiness. I know you have many questions, not all can be answered now, but will make sense when you are older. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me. I am so proud of you.
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